postpartum

Care Team – How to Help

There’s a new baby in your future! Congratulations!! If you find yourself wanting to help, but don’t know exactly how to help, you’re in the right place. First of all, well done for wanting to offer care in this amazing time. Moms, dads, and siblings all need support and love when families welcome aboard a new member. What a blessing you are!

mom lying in bed with eyes closed holding newborn baby on her chest.

Reflecting as a mama of four, there are many things I recognize now that I could have done differently as a new mother to make life a whole lot easier for myself. I wish I would have let the wonderful people in my life help me when they offered to. Nobody expected me to entertain them, but I felt like I needed to do that when they were visiting. It would have been healthier for me to stay in bed for several days after giving birth and let go of expectations for myself. Leaning deeper into my recovery and bonding with my babies would have greatly improved my mental health journey. We all experience postpartum healing differently, but some things ring true for most of us… we are supremely sleep deprived, our bodies are sore, and we question if we’re doing things ‘right’ for our babies.

American culture does not embrace a season of postpartum healing. After giving birth there’s a strong nudge to get right back to life as if you didn’t just birth a human. The body is not ready for that, and the mind REALLY isn’t ready for that. The United States is one of the most medically advanced countries in the world with the highest incidence of maternal deaths. That often comes down to a lack of postpartum healing and bonding. Women are designed to heal and bond with our babies. If that process is strained, rushed or medically complicated it can cause significantly damaging effects. Postpartum depression and anxiety, hemorrhaging, maternal psychosis and even suicide. I realize I’m focusing on the worst-case scenarios here, but they are becoming greater realities for American mothers.

So, how do we help our mothers? As a postpartum doula, I aim to ‘mother the mother.’ It’s a support role. I simply offer encouragement and resources and try to lighten the load where I can. It’s all about mom first, then baby, then the family. It looks differently depending on the family dynamics, but you don’t have to be a doula to help. Let’s talk about some practical tips on how to help whether you’re in their home or offering care from afar.

Woman in an apron helping a young girl whisk ingredients in a bowl.

Help at Home

Being physically available to help new moms and dads at home is a true gift of self, straight from the heart. You are about to enter a raw, intimate, emotional, tired, overwhelmed, and uncertain home…in its most pure and beautiful state! Blessings abound! Before we get into specifics on how to help, I want to offer you my most important tip…

Focus your help on making mom’s recovery easier, not on meeting baby.

Everything in us tells us to scoop that baby right up, but it is just not the time. In fact, expect to go help for the entire day and never hold the baby once. I know, believe me, I want to hold the babies too! But if you and I are holding the baby, that means mom isn’t and she is not fully healing or bonding with the baby in that moment.

“Involution”

Involution is the contracting down of the uterus (post birth) and is necessary to help prevent hemorrhage and return the uterus to a non-pregnant state. When a mother touches/smells/kisses her baby, she produces oxytocin, a hormone that encourages involution and breast milk production. Similarly, an oxytocin rush will help calm her nerves and emotionally connect her to her baby. It is vital for a mother to be able to hold her baby, as often as possible.

Of course, if she asks you to hold the baby while she bathes, eats, sleeps, etc., by all means, soak up the newborn snuggles! Otherwise, it’s best to let baby stay with mom. If you are honored with holding that brand new bundle of joy, offer baby back to mom when she appears to be done with what she was doing. It might be uncomfortable for her to have to ask to have her baby back.

Secondarily, I try to refrain from telling mom and dad how to care for their baby. There are exceptions, but it’s best to let them figure out what works for their family unless advice is specifically solicited.

So, what exactly can I do?

When planning with expectant parents, I suggest they come up with a care team to-do list prior to baby’s arrival. A simple list of tasks posted for visitors. Then, the care team can complete the items they feel comfortable doing when they come to visit. In the midst of becoming parents in wildly sleep deprived conditions, it can be hard to know how to accept help in the moment. If you anticipate being able to help when baby arrives, maybe suggest to mom and/or dad ahead of time that they come up with a list of ways you can serve them best when the time comes. My suggestions:

Household Tasks (washing dishes, vacuuming, dusting, taking out the trash, wiping down bathrooms)

Laundry (changing bedding, cloth diaper care, folding clothes, picking up dry cleaning)

Pets (walking dogs, cleaning the cat litter box, grooming, taking to vet appointments)

Food Prep (bringing pre-made meals over to be frozen, starting dinner, keeping healthy one-handed snacks and drinks ready for mom, entering or picking up a grocery order).

Siblings (read books, walk to the park, offer to take for a sleepover, help with homework)

Encouragement! This might be the most important thing you can offer. Hug that new mama, tell dad he’s doing an amazing job, rave about how proud you are of them, “ooh and ahh” over how beautiful baby is, and let them know how blessed you feel to get to be a part of it all. You can leave quick notes on the bathroom mirror or on prepared meals in the refrigerator to remind them that they are doing an amazing job! Your presence is significant, and your encouragement hits straight to the hearts of new parents.

A stack of folded baby clothes with a baby rattle and giraffe toy nearby showing how to help a new mom.

Help from afar

You wonderful person, You! It can be hard to know how to support new parents when you aren’t physically in their daily lives, but you can do so much still! Your love and willingness to help is deeply felt.

Reach out. Call, text, video chat! If they can’t answer, they won’t. Knowing that you’re thinking of them and helping them feel connected to their life goes a long way toward feeling supported.

Set up meals. It’s so easy and assures they’re getting healthy consistent meals. Check out Meal Train if they have family, friends, work, or community available to drop meals by. If they are new to their area, maybe consider subscribing them to a meal delivery service like Home Chef or Hello Fresh.

Gift postpartum doula care. If you know your loved ones don’t have community available to help, doula care comes in all shapes and sizes. You can view my available options through Hallowed Mama Doula. There are also some really great national doula directories that will help connect you with doula care in other areas, such as Made For This Birth!

Hire out: dog walking, house cleaning, grocery delivery services.

Mass Intentions. Most Catholic churches offer the opportunity to have a Mass offered for the intentions of loved ones.

Creative Gifts. If you know mom wants to assemble a baby care caddy before baby arrives, offer to make that your baby shower gift. Select items from her registry and build a comprehensive basket of goodies that she doesn’t have to worry about putting together herself. Alternatively, you could also create a snack caddy or postpartum care caddy.

Surprise delivery. You name it, surprises are a really special touch for new parents. UberEATS them their favorite lattes, boba or an edible bouquet.

Small white and beige baby items lined up in a row (including socks, rattle, brush, headbands and pacifier).

There are so many beautiful ways to express your excitement and love during this season. Depending on the circumstances, caregiving might be more important during a woman’s pregnancy or a few months into her postpartum. It’s wonderful when everyone floods you with new baby cheer, but spreading out your help can be more advantageous at times.

Belly Binding

Cultures around the world utilize belly binding as an essential part of postpartum care. Techniques vary, but most involve starting with an application of a warming paste on the abdomen. Then, winding a strip of muslin cotton around the abdomen we form a frontal ‘spine’ with a series of knots. We always start from the pubic bone and work up to the sternum.

A Cultural Caregiving

In Malaysia, traditional belly binding is called bengkung (meaning undergarment or girdle).¹ Bengkung belly binding is practiced 12 hours a day during the confinement period (42-44 days). The womb is considered the center of woman’s whole well-being, and she seldom leaves her bed during this time. Mother’s are fed, bathed, warmed, and wrapped by loved ones. It’s all about healing and bonding!

The supportive binding promotes healing and support to the postpartum body. Women often experience swelling, sluggish digestion, temperature swings, hormonal surges, and slow circulation as the body lets go of the last bits of pregnancy. Sometimes a sensation of emptiness in the womb or being off-balance occurs too. The body expels unnecessary water, fat, air, hormones, and blood – all so important to our pregnant body and baby’s development. Another aspect of the postpartum period is that of emotional transition into motherhood. The body has spent its pregnancy filling with life and preparing mom for this new phase. Belly binding offers an emotional sense of closure to her previous self as she embraces her own birth into motherhood.

Full benefits of belly binding

Helps regain non-pregnancy form of ribcage, belly, and hips.
For mild cases of diastasis recti, it encourages drawing in and support of abdominal muscles.
It is holistic in nature, utilizing only herbal methods.
Supports the body’s natural spine, core muscles and posture realignment.
Prevents slouching while nursing which can cause additional muscle strain.
Draws organs toward the core in a supportive, upward lift, taking pressure off the abdominal muscles and pelvic floor.
Often reduces postpartum bleeding time by supporting the uterus in a contracted position and overall support to the womb. This support encourages involution (shrinking) of the uterus.
Herbs/oils improve circulation and digestion through ‘warming’ properties.
The wrap itself increases core warmth promoting better circulation.
Provides emotional comfort for postpartum anxiety/depression, birth trauma, and bereavement.
Encourages mom to rest as it limits movements such as bending down, twisting, lifting from the floor, etc.

Relaxin is a remarkable hormone that a woman’s body creates when preparing for birth. It allows the bones, organs and ligaments to shift and become flexible for baby’s passage through the birth canal. Relaxin remains in the body during early postpartum months making it an ideal time to belly bind as the hips, organs, ribs, and muscles are malleable for quite some time.

Spices aren’t just for cooking

Traditionally, a warming paste (bentonite clay, cloves, cinnamon, black pepper, ginger, kaffir lime, calendula, and turmeric mixed with a carrier oil) is applied to the abdomen prior to wrapping the belly. Those herbs contain ‘warm’ properties that when applied to the skin mildly increase core warmth. Warming the body increases circulation of blood. In turn, it promotes faster healing and speeds up digestion – both important to postpartum healing. For women that don’t want to use the paste, essential oils can be substituted with carrier oil instead.

A top down picture of a table containing small jars of various herbs and spices.

What does a typical binding session look like?

For American mamas interested in belly binding, a version of the Malay bengkung can be adapted. It isn’t considered ‘traditional’ binding unless utilized to the extent of the Malay confinement period. That said, the benefits are similar if practiced in even a shortened amount of time.

I suggest binding for at least five consecutive days for 12 hours at a time (the more days, the better). I encourage moms to bind late in the evening right before going to go to bed. It is not necessary to bind at night however, it will be snug. For comfort (and to help it stay in place), lying down is optimal. Unless you have full-time care available during the day, it’s easier to get your wrapped hours in at night.

An evening of belly binding

This is just an example of what an evening with belly binding looks like. When I come to wrap you, my time is yours for the evening. Newborn life is unpredictable, and I fully anticipate going with the flow.

I arrive at your house at 7:30 P.M.
I check in with you to make sure you’ve eaten dinner and see where I’m most needed.
I (or your care team) take baby while you bathe and get ready for bed. (If baby is being cared for, I will make you tea, clean up dinner, change bedding, etc).
We will talk through your day, giving you time to nurse baby, have a snack, use the bathroom, etc.
Once settled, I will apply the warming paste/oils (if you choose) with cover slip and then the wrap.
I’ll check in with your care team before leaving or finish up odds and ends, if time permits.

Outside of other activities, it usually takes about 20 minutes to get the full wrap on. Baby can absolutely stay with us and I’m happy to baby wear while wrapping mom if baby needs soothing. This is also a great time for dad to bond with baby – diaper changing, readying for bed, bouncing to sleep, etc.

Mom determines the snugness of the wrap and can easily adjust as we apply it. It should feel like a supportive hug, but never painful. As the evenings go by, most women tend to increase the tightness of the binding. It’s also easy to remove, so when you’re ready to take it off, you can do so independently.

Belly binding limitations

As with many postpartum practices, results of belly binding will vary. Some mamas may not be good candidates for binding. While bengkung belly binding is considered safe, certain health concerns may prevent some from safely binding. Women experiencing extreme diastasis recti (requiring surgery), significant hemorrhoid discomfort, recovering from surgery, significant organ prolapse (uterine, bladder or rectal), or significant incontinence should consult their doctor prior to any binding. Women that have had c-sections are eligible for binding after the 6-week recovery period or once their incision heals.¹

I was honored to obtain my Postpartum Belly Binding certification in 2022 based on these traditional Malay bengkung techniques. If you have questions, you can find more information h ere or reach out to me personally to chat!

An up close picture of the knots of a muslin bengkung belly binding wrap.

¹Learn Belly Binding https://www.learnbellybinding.com/

Belly binding images shared with permission from Positive Body Mind and Baby, LLC

Hydrating Postpartum Lemon Gingerade

This hydrating postpartum lemon gingerade is the perfect beverage for helping new mamas feel refreshed and energized! There have been variations on this drink for centuries – Switchel, Haymaker’s Punch, and Shrub to name a few. The idea is to combine the right healing properties in one delicious spritzer. Who said postpartum healing can’t be a little glamorous?

The First Forty Days

I first learned about this natural remedy from a brilliant book by Heng Ou, “The First Forty Days: The Essential Art of Nourishing the New Mother.” This lemon gingerade is full of some of nature’s best gifts – lemons, ginger, apple cider vinegar and honey. When you pull these ingredients together, you’re gifted a powerhouse of electrolytes, antioxidants and energy. It doesn’t hurt that it offers a refreshing gentle sweetness, mild lemon tang, punchy ginger and a little bubbly to make it fun.

An up close picture of a jar of honey surrounded by ginger and cut lemon

How to make postpartum lemon gingerade

Okay, let’s get hydrated! As I mentioned, I started with the base from Heng Ou’s recipe but decided to play with it a bit to fit my personal tastes. For me, it’s all about the ginger! It is really such a simple little drink that you can easily make adjustments to fit your palate too!

Swap honey for cane sugar, monk fruit extract, or agave.

Boil some of the lemon rind in the water (before adding honey) to really infuse the lemon and give it a deeper flavor.

If you could use some help getting your digestive system moving, macerate some prunes, blueberries or watermelon in the bottom of the pitcher.

You probably know by now that one of the postpartum doula musts is warmth! Warm food, warm clothes, warm everything. This is one of the few areas that I’ll give you a pass. If drinking this lemon gingerade cold helps you get more hydrating fluids in, then by all means, drop some ice in that glass! Another selling point for drinking it on the rocks is that it has honey in it. If you follow the recipe, you will have already warmed it a bit to dissolve it in water. You want to avoid heating it too much and killing off all of the natural health benefits. If you can go middle of the road with it and have it at room temperature, that’s probably even better!