Hallowed Mama Doula

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Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss

It’s been fifteen years since my first miscarriage. Saying it out loud, that loss seems like so long ago and just like yesterday all at once. After nearly two years of infertility, we were beyond excited to be pregnant for the first time. It was our first ultrasound experience, and it was magic seeing and hearing our tiny 8-week-old baby with a thumping heartbeat. We said goodbye a few days later on Christmas Eve.

Our second sweet love entered our lives roughly six months later. Our tiny baby came like the flash of a firefly bringing a renewed spark of hope to our hearts. I miscarried by myself in the middle of the night. I remember being angry that everyone I loved could sleep through one of the most sorrowful moments of my life. And yet, I did not wake up my husband or pick up the phone, because I was simultaneously very grateful to be alone. It was the first time I really let God in. In raw, painful sobs of sorrow and begging. He was with me, I have no doubt, and I am so grateful for the 7 weeks we could call His beloved baby, ours.

Outdoor picture of husband kissing his wife's head while she looks at the camera after miscarriage.

Carrying the Cross of Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss

Part of my heart will always mourn my sweet babies. I did not know anything about them and yet we’re designed to love our babies, protect them, and wonder who they are before this world knows them. The other side of my perspective has evolved into one of gratitude for the woman and mother those babies have helped me become. So many parents carry the cross of miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss. I hold you and your babies in the sacred depth of my heart and the forefront of my prayers.

I wish I would have known then the amazing love and resources that await grieving parents. Outside of pain prescriptions, I did not receive much compassion or any resources from my doctors. We can do better for parents that have lost their tiny loves! And while I have an incredible support system, I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it much with family and friends because I just felt too vulnerable. I am so thankful for my incredible husband who loved me through my grief, and I still feel badly that I don’t remember asking him how he was coping with our losses.

Hope and Healing After Loss

If we are open to it, God can use our tremendous grief to bring about beautiful healing in ourselves and others. These courageous authors and business owners are doing just that! Incredible organizations have bloomed from the mourning of their own babies in effort to provide support to parents in similar situations. They ensure that you do not have to go at this alone. We see you. We feel your pain.

There are some amazing books available to help process the loss of our babies. These are just a few:

A simple picture of a pile of small rocks, on the top rock the word "healing" was written in black marker to signify miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss.

Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Loss Resources

If you are anticipating a miscarriage, Humble Mission offers bereavement boxes to help you physically and emotionally handle the process and prepare your baby for burial. They also have great suggestions for what to ask your medical providers. If you have not experienced a miscarriage before, this will likely be very helpful. Held in Hope offers a similar miscarriage kit.

If you’re looking for deeper consolation or one-on-one mentoring, look no further than Eileen Tully, the founder of Sursum Corda. Eileen and her husband have transformed their significant experiences of grief through miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss into remarkably beautiful support and tools for grieving parents. Everything from a blog and podcasts to an on-line retreat that you can complete individually or in a group setting.

Similarly, Red Bird Ministries dedicates their work to help parents heal through grief. Ryan and Kelly Breaux, “by the grace of God,” were able to pull themselves through a decade of grieving their twins. They now dedicate themselves to other parents navigating this heartbreaking journey. You can find beautiful resources through their new app, in many parishes across the country, and in one-on-one mentoring.

Colorado Support during Loss

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep is a complimentary photography service based out of Colorado, specializing in stillborn and infant loss photos. Sometimes photography seems an odd consideration at this time. However, families who have accepted photography remark how grateful they are to be able to reflect on those sacred moments with their babies.

The Catholic Funeral and Cemetery Services of Colorado ministers to families that have lost babies in pregnancy or during birth through their Precious Lives Burial ministry. Complimentary funeral services are offered to all grieving families regardless of religious affiliation.

The Archdiocese of Denver’s ministry, Behold Your Child, offers grief counseling resources, memorial Masses, keepsakes, and contact information for life affirming infertility providers.

Another consideration would be hiring a bereavement doula, or “loss” doula. If we previously arranged for you to have my services after birth, we will reassess. I will work with you to help you receive the best bereavement doula care, even if it’s not mine.

Supporting Your Grieving Loved One

Simply making yourself available to a mother and/or father that’s experiencing miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss, can be hugely supportive. Thinking of them, praying for them, and acknowledging their baby or child is deeply missed, means so much. If you’re also looking to offer tangible support, maybe consider:

  • Setting up a meal train for a couple of weeks.
  • Offering to take other children or pets for a couple of nights.
  • Performing some household tasks to lighten the load.
  • Gifting them a healing box, miscarriage care package.
  • Subscribing them to a Lily of the Valley prayer care package.
  • Arranging to have Mass offered for them at a local parish.
  • If needed, contact the Trappist Monks of New Melleray Abbey for a beautifully handcrafted complimentary casket.
A faded picture of the sun shining through clouds with an overlaid quote from St. Zelie Martin, "We shall find our little ones again up above." A reflection of miscarried, stillborn, and infant deaths.

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What to Expect during Postpartum Life

You’ve been working diligently to be healthy during pregnancy, you’ve been reading books about breastfeeding, and you’ve attended your childbirth education class. Now you’re learning all there is to know about postpartum recovery. It’s great you’re getting a head start on what to expect during postpartum life. Let’s dig in together! You’ll find links to great books, specific blog topics delving deeper into remedies, recipes, etc., and some of my favorite items to have on hand for postpartum ease.

A trio of healing pictures for postpartum life- a bowl of chicken soup, two clear jars of healing tinctures and a woman sleeping in bed under a blue blanket

Bonding – Postpartum is Not Only about Healing

In the 1970’s the term “bonding” was birthed (definitely pun intended) out of observations between mother/baby interactions.1 While its meaning is still being measured and massaged within the medical community, a pure idea of bonding is simply permitting time and space for a mother and her baby to fall in love with one another.1 How beautiful and unique for every mother and child!

Identifying Mother-Baby Needs

Truly, a woman is designed to be all that her baby needs, for a very long time! Baby needs her warmth (to regulate temperature), baby needs her smell (to identify her), baby needs her breasts (for comfort and muscle development), baby needs her milk (for antibodies and nutrition), baby needs her voice (for brain development), etc. We can draw all kinds of beautiful necessities that baby receives from mother, but what hasn’t been stressed enough is how important baby is for mother! Mother needs baby to nurse (to stimulate milk supply and contract her uterus for healing), she needs to smell, feel and kiss baby (to help increase her oxytocin – get those love hormones flowing), she needs to hear baby’s sounds (to help her learn how and when to provide), etc. And these are just scratching the surface!

postpartum mother holding her baby as she breastfeeds.

It’s truly a miraculous, perfectly designed system of give and take between mother and baby. All of that interaction helps them become healthier, calmer and form that crucial bond. All that said, it does not always “look” the same for every mother and baby. Some mothers coo and gush and cry over the beauty of their baby. Other mothers observe quietly, touching and examining every little part of the miracle just given to her. This extraordinary time is unique and will unfold differently each time. What is important is that mothers are given this uninterrupted time with their babies to nurse, sleep, examine, talk to, smell, hold, kiss, and listen to one another. How do we create this? We offer a safe space, private to the two of them, and we support them in it!

What to know about Postpartum Soreness

Some women really luck out in this area and don’t experience too much discomfort after giving birth. Conversely, some of us experience all of it. Most of us have some kind of perineal discomfort. The perineum is the tissue between the vaginal opening and your anus. It is the area most prone to tearing during birth. Many doctors have retired the practice of performing episiotomies (cutting the perineum to widen the vagina for birth), but if you received one this is the area affected. You might also feel some discomfort around your labia (vaginal “lips”), your anus, or your pubic bone. Swelling, tenderness, stinging and occasional sharp pains are sometimes expressed.

Bring on the relief!

If you choose to not aid the healing process at all, your body will heal from birth – it’s just designed to! There are many ways to bring some relief during that process though. Why not have a few items on hand before going into labor so they’re ready to go when you need them. If you’re looking for a fast solution, you can find soothing perineal products in sprays, balm and witch hazel pads. Look for natural ingredients without added dyes or fragrances.

If you’d rather prep your own items, here’s a great Sitz Bath Herb and Padsicle DIY! You can usually find toilet top sitz baths in local drug stores or something comparable online to use with your herbs. If you choose to make your own herbal blends, look no further than Mountain Rose Herbs for the best selections.

Why Is My Body So Sore?

Additionally, you might experience fatigued muscles as if you put in a solid day at the gym. It might sound funny, but if you were on your back for a long time, in a prolonged squatting position, or bracing yourself with your arms those muscles might be tired. While women are encouraged to try to keep from clenching our muscles during labor, it can be hard to stay fully relaxed in such an intense state. Depending on how long you were in labor, if you were active, you might have gotten in a bunch of steps too! Your whole body has just worked very, very hard and it makes sense to feel the effects of it in many places. Check out bengkung belly binding, a tried-and-true method of providing support to the postpartum core.

A profile picture of a woman laying in a bath tup with her eyes closed.

After Pains?

Let’s talk about after pains. After pains are usually a new sensation for first-time moms and it can be concerning if you aren’t prepared for it. “Involution” is the continued contracting of the uterus. It can be uncomfortable for a few days after birth, but it’s an important part of the process to shrink the uterus back down to size.

You might notice that these after pains are quite intense while breastfeeding – breast stimulation encourages the oxytocin production that is responsible for these contractions. You might also experience this sensation when you hear your baby crying, or any baby crying for that matter! Women often experience more intense after pains with subsequent pregnancies because each pregnancy stretches the uterus a bit more than before. If you’re dealing with a lot of after pain discomfort you can use a mild heating pad or throw together a super simple rice sock to snuggle up with.

There’s never been a better time for a bath!

Okay, so I’m not much of a bath girl. I’d much rather take a fast shower and move on with my day. That goes for most of my postpartum recoveries too! Having said that, the entirety of the body and mind benefit from taking postpartum baths. I did manage to force myself into a few baths after babies and I never regretted it. Truly, if you’re dealing with perineal pain, body aches, after pains, constipation, headaches, bloating, engorged breasts, hemorrhoids, or otherwise, do yourself a favor and take a bath. Baby can join you if you need some encouragement to stay seated in there for a while. Let the water relieve your discomfort, soften muscles, and calm your mind. You can assemble herbal bath packs ahead of time to keep on hand and throw in to steep while you’re filling the tub.

What to expect – Postpartum Bleeding

Lochia is the period of time you experience bleeding after giving birth (generally 2-6 weeks), whether you’ve delivered vaginally or via cesarean. Over the course of your pregnancy, the lining in your uterus (endometrium) builds up a thick, nutrient dense layer of blood to grow and nourish your baby. When you deliver your placenta, it leaves an open wound in that space that bleeds. This is what your body is expelling after birth. The first 2-3 days after birth will be the heaviest flow of blood, similar to heavy bleeding during your period. If you deliver in a hospital, please feel comfortable asking your nurses about your bleeding if you have any questions or if it seems excessive.

Fundal “Massage”

Shortly after delivering your placenta, your OB or midwife will perform fundal massage – the fundus is the top of your uterus. It’s a little unfair to call it “massage” because it can be pretty uncomfortable, but most medical practitioners agree that it’s necessary to help hasten healing and avoid hemorrhage. This massage encourages your uterus to start contracting down in size. Your OB or midwife will assess the fundus (generally a couple of inches below the belly button at this stage) to make sure it’s firm. If it isn’t, they will perform fundal massage to tighten it up. You might feel cramping, a gush of blood or passing of a clot while they are massaging the uterus.

Clotting

You might experience some clotting (sometimes as big as a golf ball). The blood pooling in the uterus will start to clot while you’re lying down or sitting for an extended period of time. Then, when you stand up, the clot passes. You can help decrease your clotting by continuing gentle fundal massage of your uterus before getting up to use the bathroom. You’ll also want to make sure to empty your bladder regularly to prevent putting extra pressure on your uterus.

Quick side note…generally, the more toned your uterus is (and your overall fitness) prior to labor, the shorter duration of bleeding you will experience. Your bleeding might also be a good indicator of whether you’re over-doing it by increased bleeding after activity. You want to avoid a resurgence of bleeding as postpartum hemorrhaging is possible for several weeks after giving birth.

  • gentle massage of the top of uterus (fundus) prior to using the bathroom
  • avoid strenuous physical activity for the first 30 days after birth (including vacuuming, exercising, heavy lifting, shopping, etc.)
  • avoid tampon and menstrual cup use
  • change disposable pads regularly (reusable cloth pads not recommended for postpartum bleeding)
  • drink lots of water
  • eat iron rich foods (red meats, kidney beans, dark leafy vegetables, and dried fruits)
  • consider taking placenta pills

Sluggish Digestion is part of postpartum life

Your body just worked very hard at birthing that beautiful baby and some of your other systems of the body might seem a little out of whack. Your digestive system is one of those! Digestion tends to become very sluggish after giving birth. In fact, you might become constipated and/or not have a bowel movement for 2-3 days. On the other hand, some women have that initial surge of hormones and experience diarrhea. Your system will right itself, but there are a few things we can do to help it along.

If you delivered in a hospital, there’s a good chance you’ve been prescribed over the counter stool softeners to help make your first bowel movement after baby a bit more comfortable. While I prefer recommending food and drink to help regulate bowel movements, sometimes we just need a little extra help. In lieu of pill stool softeners, my favorite digestive aid is Natural Vitality Calm. It’s a magnesium supplement drink that you can take warm or cold – nonGMO, vegan and gluten free. It’s also safe during pregnancy and while breastfeeding. Win, win, win!

a duo of nutritious food for a healing postpartum life - a pitcher of lemon gingerade with fresh lemons, ginger and honey next to it. Second, a bowl of oatmeal topped with blueberries and shaved almonds.

Hemorrhoids…ugh!

If everything above isn’t already enough, some of us extra lucky ladies also develop hemorrhoids during labor/birth. You’re extra prone to these if you had them during pregnancy or if you had to push for a long-time during labor. Some suggestions are:

  • Warmth! Keeping warm helps speed circulation and in turn, digestion. At a minimum, keep your core warm (wear multiple layers of clothing, belly bind, keep a rice sock on hand, etc.)
  • Focus on eating small, easily digestible, warm meals of green leafy vegetables and high-fiber foods like oatmeal, soups, stews and this delicious postpartum porridge.
  • Water is your best postpartum friend. If you drink a cup of warm water prior to eating a meal it can help your digestion release. If you’re dealing with constipation or hemorrhoids, you need extra.
  • Tea for two!
    • Chamomile tea is a new mama’s calming friend! It has relaxing properties for muscles and the mind. It is safe for baby to receive through breast milk and can help milk come in.
    • Save your caffeinated teas for down the road, or down below! For hemorrhoids, steep a caffeinated tea bag, gently wring it out and apply the tea bag directly to the hemorrhoid. When done, make sure you gently pat yourself dry (no rubbing).
  • Avoid straining during bowel movements or long periods of bearing down.
  • You can also sit on a cushion or donut to avoid adding extra pressure to your already tender bottom.

Breast Milk Production

You might have noticed during pregnancy that your breasts were already starting to produce a thick golden milk, colostrum. For the first couple of days after giving birth, your body will increase colostrum production. This is the only thing baby needs to consume these first days. It is wildly rich in nutrients and antibodies and sets the stage for a healthy gut biome for your baby. You will be breastfeeding frequently in the first weeks as the size of baby’s tummy is only about the tip of your thumb. That beautiful colostrum burns clean and quickly for baby. Generally, anywhere from 2-5 days after birth, your milk production will change in composition, color, and quantity. It’s much thinner than your colostrum and generally more bluish white in color. Additionally, it contains a higher amount of sugars so if you taste it, it will be sweet!

Your body is working hard yet again to bring in your milk and you might notice some physical changes. Sometimes women run low fevers, have hot flashes (full body or just in your breasts), fluctuating emotions, sore breasts and engorgement. When I say engorgement, some women will easily go up 3-4 bra sizes while nursing. Read more about breastfeeding here!

Emotional Fluctuations

A postpartum mother wearing a white sweater holding her baby over her shoulder who's wearing a green long-sleeved onesie.

What a crazy ride! Am I right? Pregnancy was a good introduction to the wild swing in emotions that fluctuating hormones can create. I hate to break it to you, but postpartum brings on its own hormone rollercoaster. This hormone shift is the single greatest naturally occurring hormone fluctuation that can occur in humans! It makes sense that it’s going to take some time to adjust.

Hormone Heavy Hitters

There are many hormones at work during postpartum life, but the biggest players are progesterone, estrogen, oxytocin and prolactin. Your progesterone and estrogen levels are extremely high at the end of pregnancy and as soon as you give birth their production reduces significantly, prompting the wild increase of oxytocin and prolactin. Throw in cortisol production, your thyroid hormones, physical recovery, sleep deprivation, and probably a little dehydration and you’re well on your way to feeling somewhat “out of sorts.” While all of this is necessary in facilitating your healing, bonding and breast milk production, it can sure take its toll on a mama.

You might experience fast and frequent swings of overwhelming love (for your baby and partner), joy, euphoria, gratitude, sadness, overwhelm, irritability, impatience, or apathy. It seems bonkers, but you really can experience all of these in a postpartum day and other times just kind of bump back and forth between a couple. These early on hormonal imbalances earned their name, “baby blues,” and are considered normal within the first 2 weeks after giving birth. If you continue to have these extreme fluctuations or a general lack of connection with your baby or loved ones beyond this timeframe it would be good to reach out for professional guidance. There’s no shame in it. There are amazing options available to help moms through this time. Advocating for yourself is taking care of your baby, too!

  • good nutrition (limit caffeine, alcohol, sugars)
  • continue taking prenatal vitamins
  • gentle moving (stretching, casual walk around the block)
  • help from care team
  • increase water intake
  • do something you love to do
  • herbal aids/placenta pills
  • rest and sleep

Read more about postpartum depression and anxiety here.

What to Expect – Other Postpartum Quirks

  • hair loss (typically 3-6 months postpartum)
  • swollen extremities (hands, feet, legs, etc.)
  • hot flashes and/or chills
  • joint pain
  • new food aversions
  • bloating/gas
  • varicose veins.

And still, your beautiful baby is worth all of the challenges postpartum healing brings! You’re fully living that postpartum life, mama. The bittersweetness of it, is that it will be gone in a flash. Allow yourself to be taken care of, rest often, eat well, and lean into every second with that beautiful baby.

You are living a miracle!

a top-down picture of a postpartum mother and her baby sleeping on a bed. mother is holding baby's hand.

1Romm, A. (2002). The First Days after Birth. In Natural Birth after Healing (pp. 85–87). Healing Arts Press.

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Belly Binding

Cultures around the world utilize belly binding as an essential part of postpartum care. Techniques vary, but most involve starting with an application of a warming paste on the abdomen. Then, winding a strip of muslin cotton around the abdomen we form a frontal ‘spine’ with a series of knots. We always start from the pubic bone and work up to the sternum.

A trio of a woman having a traditional bengkung belly binding applied.

A Cultural Caregiving

In Malaysia, traditional belly binding is called bengkung (meaning undergarment or girdle).1 Bengkung belly binding is practiced 12 hours a day during the confinement period (42-44 days). The womb is considered the center of woman’s whole well-being, and she seldom leaves her bed during this time. Mother’s are fed, bathed, warmed, and wrapped by loved ones. It’s all about healing and bonding!

The supportive binding promotes healing and support to the postpartum body. Women often experience swelling, sluggish digestion, temperature swings, hormonal surges, and slow circulation as the body lets go of the last bits of pregnancy. Sometimes a sensation of emptiness in the womb or being off-balance occurs too. The body expels unnecessary water, fat, air, hormones, and blood – all so important to our pregnant body and baby’s development. Another aspect of the postpartum period is that of emotional transition into motherhood. The body has spent its pregnancy filling with life and preparing mom for this new phase. Belly binding offers an emotional sense of closure to her previous self as she embraces her own birth into motherhood.

Full benefits of belly binding

  • Helps regain non-pregnancy form of ribcage, belly, and hips.
  • For mild cases of diastasis recti, it encourages drawing in and support of abdominal muscles.
  • It is holistic in nature, utilizing only herbal methods.
  • Supports the body’s natural spine, core muscles and posture realignment.
  • Prevents slouching while nursing which can cause additional muscle strain.
  • Draws organs toward the core in a supportive, upward lift, taking pressure off the abdominal muscles and pelvic floor.
  • Often reduces postpartum bleeding time by supporting the uterus in a contracted position and overall support to the womb. This support encourages involution (shrinking) of the uterus.
  • Herbs/oils improve circulation and digestion through ‘warming’ properties.
  • The wrap itself increases core warmth promoting better circulation.
  • Provides emotional comfort for postpartum anxiety/depression, birth trauma, and bereavement.
  • Encourages mom to rest as it limits movements such as bending down, twisting, lifting from the floor, etc.

Relaxin is a remarkable hormone that a woman’s body creates when preparing for birth. It allows the bones, organs and ligaments to shift and become flexible for baby’s passage through the birth canal. Relaxin remains in the body during early postpartum months making it an ideal time to belly bind as the hips, organs, ribs, and muscles are malleable for quite some time.

Spices aren’t just for cooking

Traditionally, a warming paste (bentonite clay, cloves, cinnamon, black pepper, ginger, kaffir lime, calendula, and turmeric mixed with a carrier oil) is applied to the abdomen prior to wrapping the belly. Those herbs contain ‘warm’ properties that when applied to the skin mildly increase core warmth. Warming the body increases circulation of blood. In turn, it promotes faster healing and speeds up digestion – both important to postpartum healing. For women that don’t want to use the paste, essential oils can be substituted with carrier oil instead.

A top down picture of a table containing small jars of various herbs and spices.

What does a typical binding session look like?

For American mamas interested in belly binding, a version of the Malay bengkung can be adapted. It isn’t considered ‘traditional’ binding unless utilized to the extent of the Malay confinement period. That said, the benefits are similar if practiced in even a shortened amount of time.

I suggest binding for at least five consecutive days for 12 hours at a time (the more days, the better). I encourage moms to bind late in the evening right before going to go to bed. It is not necessary to bind at night however, it will be snug. For comfort (and to help it stay in place), lying down is optimal. Unless you have full-time care available during the day, it’s easier to get your wrapped hours in at night.

An evening of belly binding

This is just an example of what an evening with belly binding looks like. When I come to wrap you, my time is yours for the evening. Newborn life is unpredictable, and I fully anticipate going with the flow.

  • I arrive at your house at 7:30 P.M.
  • I check in with you to make sure you’ve eaten dinner and see where I’m most needed.
  • I (or your care team) take baby while you bathe and get ready for bed. (If baby is being cared for, I will make you tea, clean up dinner, change bedding, etc).
  • We will talk through your day, giving you time to nurse baby, have a snack, use the bathroom, etc.
  • Once settled, I will apply the warming paste/oils (if you choose) with cover slip and then the wrap.
  • I’ll check in with your care team before leaving or finish up odds and ends, if time permits.

Outside of other activities, it usually takes about 20 minutes to get the full wrap on. Baby can absolutely stay with us and I’m happy to baby wear while wrapping mom if baby needs soothing. This is also a great time for dad to bond with baby – diaper changing, readying for bed, bouncing to sleep, etc.

Mom determines the snugness of the wrap and can easily adjust as we apply it. It should feel like a supportive hug, but never painful. As the evenings go by, most women tend to increase the tightness of the binding. It’s also easy to remove, so when you’re ready to take it off, you can do so independently.

Belly binding limitations

As with many postpartum practices, results of belly binding will vary. Some mamas may not be good candidates for binding. While bengkung belly binding is considered safe, certain health concerns may prevent some from safely binding. Women experiencing extreme diastasis recti (requiring surgery), significant hemorrhoid discomfort, recovering from surgery, significant organ prolapse (uterine, bladder or rectal), or significant incontinence should consult their doctor prior to any binding. Women that have had c-sections are eligible for binding after the 6-week recovery period or once their incision heals.1

I was honored to obtain my Postpartum Belly Binding certification in 2022 based on these traditional Malay bengkung techniques. If you have questions, you can find more information here or reach out to me personally to chat!

An up close picture of the knots of a muslin bengkung belly binding wrap.

1Learn Belly Binding https://www.learnbellybinding.com/

Belly binding images shared with permission from Positive Body Mind and Baby, LLC

Your Labor Mindset Matters

When the time comes, your labor mindset matters. We often spend a lot of time researching pregnancy, but less time is spent on preparing our minds for labor and giving birth. Women were remarkably designed to birth their babies, and for most mamas, our bodies go right ahead and do that without us really needing to mentally participate. Ha! It’s a very compelling experience! And miraculous at that. However, if we spend a little time trying to anticipate the labor and birth, it gives us the opportunity to lean into it with mindfulness and that can completely change our labor experience! When the moment comes, it can help you head into labor with intentionality, fully trusting your body.

Pregnant woman leaning on an exercise ball while crouched on her knees in a bedroom working on her labor mindset.

Do you need a birth plan?

Birth plans have become a widely discussed part of the labor process in the relatively recent past. While I don’t think it’s necessary to have an elaborate birth plan in place, it is a good idea to think through general birth issues specific to the environment you plan to birth in – home, birth center, hospital, or otherwise.

Logistically, there is the space itself, requirements of medical staff, understanding what your insurance includes, visiting hours and the equipment available for you to use. Most birth centers and hospitals offer tours and one-on-one discussions with providers to help answer these questions ahead of time.

Medically, there are considerations to ponder, as well. Jotting down a general idea of your ideal labor and birthing experience is encouraged. I would suggest avoiding too many details as the idea of a birth plan is to make things simplistic and straight forward for you (and your care team) as a reminder of your intentions.

Birth Plan Thoughts

The idea of a birth plan is to return you to the right labor mindset by giving you a reminder of your intentions for birth. Simple is better so it does not become overwhelming during labor. A few basic suggestions to consider and jot down…

  • Pain management (do you want to have an epidural and/or how do you plan to manage discomfort)
  • Movement (do you want to be able to be out of bed)
  • Who will be with you (partner, doula, mother, friend)
  • Baby care (if in a hospital – do you want vaccinations / circumcision / hearing testing, etc.) Baby procedures might start immediately after birth if you are delivering in a hospital – it is okay (and encouraged) to request that they delay those so you can experience the “golden hour” with your baby.
  • Placenta decisions (if you want to keep it you have to say so)

Everything else is extra, in my opinion. What you wear, if you listen to music, using your own pillows, the lighting, the temperature, ice chips vs. apple juice, etc. I’m speaking for the masses here, but those things likely won’t matter much when you’re in active labor. If they do, your care team and medical staff will tend to minor things as they arise.

Husband encourages laboring wife while she sits on an exercise ball having her back massaged by a doula.

If this is your first pregnancy, labor will be eye-opening. It is a natural, primal rite of passage while becoming a mother. When you’re on the other side of it you will have a different perspective of the remarkable woman you are, and your beautiful babe is THE best reward ever!

Memorable Moments of Labor

I want to get a little real with you for a minute. My intention is not to scare or embarrass you, but rather to help take some of the potential shock out of the reality of labor for you. Every labor and delivery are different, but they usually all have their “memorable” moments. Whether you have a vaginal or cesarean delivery, you might…

  • have your water break on its own or medical staff might do it for you in one big gush – it’s always an odd surprise
  • experience intense contractions (tightening of the stomach) that make you want to cry, moan, breathe heavily, or be silent.
  • pee or poop…on the bed, on the floor, on your doctor
  • feel nauseous or throw up
  • fall asleep in between contractions
  • experience “transition tremors” (involuntary shaking)
  • have an orgasm
  • leak colostrum from your breasts
  • feel angry, sad, scared, happy, relieved, or overwhelmed
  • need a little extra oxygen to help you breathe easier
  • make amazing sounds that you’ve never heard yourself make before

If you experience any or all of these, it’s okay! All of this is natural and helping your body to open and soften for baby’s arrival. You never need to apologize. You don’t need to feel badly. I promise, your medical staff has seen it all and are prepared to help you work through these situations if they happen.

There are serene moments of labor, as well. That downtime is a great opportunity to rebalance your mind if you’re feeling anxious, frustrated or tired. Having visual reminders of the incredible gift you’re experiencing can be helpful in refocusing your thoughts and emotions. Planning methods ahead of time on how you want to stay calm and focused can go a long way when you’re in the thick of it.

Birthing Affirmations

Birthing affirmations are a great way to help you keep focused on your progress when you’re in active labor. It can sometimes become difficult to remember that what you’re experiencing is temporary and that very soon you will get to meet the most wonderful little person! Your labor mindset matters from start to end and you have the ability to rebalance in the midst of labor by preparing ahead. Birthing affirmations are encouraging statements, scriptures, or single words and expressions that speak to your heart. They can be flipped through, read aloud to you by a loved-one, or hung around your birthing suite as a beautiful reminder of your strength and progress. You can snag a free set of the Hallowed Mama Doula birthing affirmation cards here.

Hallowed Mama Doula birth affirmation cards - pink with white writing and greenery. helping women prepare their labor mindset.

Encouraging a Positive Labor Mindset

Some of my other favorite ways to honor your experience and center your labor mindset are…

  • reading heartfelt sentiments from family and friends (a cool baby shower idea)
  • wearing a prayer bracelet
  • lighting a blessed candle
  • offering your labor for the intentions of others (included cards in the Birthing Affirmation Cards)
  • saying a rosary
  • journaling in Baby’s keepsake book
  • meditation/visualization

However you choose to prepare yourself for labor, know that every experience is unique and not fully predictable. Your labor mindset matters and part of that is to be gentle with yourself. Resolve to show yourself grace if the plan needs to change in the moment. Ultimately, your wellbeing and baby’s is most important. Once all is said and done, you will have worked very hard bringing your baby into this life, no matter how they arrive.

You are strong! You are capable! Your experience will be your own!

A display tray full of labor visualization aids - candle, affirmation cards, prayerful pregnancy book, baby keepsake book, ultrasound and Catholic rosary.

Building Your Baby Care Caddy

Three areas I focus on preparing women for in postpartum are baby care, mom’s healing, and organization of the home. Depending on your level of nesting, you can go big with this or keep it super simple! Building your baby care caddy doesn’t have to be laborious. After four babies, “less is more” is kind of my motto. It’s not necessary to have the trendiest items in order to experience optimal postpartum healing or baby care. In fact, for me, it’s been easier when I’ve focused on just getting the essentials together.

The Baby Care Caddy

When I reference “caddy,” it’s any mid-sized, easily accessible and (preferably) mobile container. Baskets with handles, plastic cleaning totes, and foldable bins are a good place to start. Again, you don’t have to break the bank building your baby care caddy! You could line a cardboard box with contact paper or empty out a nightstand drawer to get the job done. The goal is to collect items that you can easily access in the middle of the night without leaving bed. Stash it under the bed, on a dresser, or even hang something like this on the outside of the bassinet.

There are baby care items arranged in a basket. It shows parents that diapers, baby wipes, creams, and blankets are needed.

What goes in a baby care caddy?

Any baby gear that helps make for an easy feeding and diaper change in the middle of the night. The less you have to move, the easier it will be for you and more likely it will be to keep baby in sleep mode. Some suggestions are diapers, wipes, diaper rash cream, onesie, swaddle/blanket, burp cloths, and a pacifier (if you’re using one).

Additionally, it’s not a bad idea to throw in a few things for your comfort too. Some chap stick and fresh nursing pads can really help a girl out when she’s up multiple times at night.

Other possible inclusions for your baby care caddy…

  • nasal aspirator
  • baby lotion
  • disposable changing pads
  • small trash bag (for wrapping up messy diapers or clothes)
  • small thermos (for expressed milk)
  • haakaa (to catch expressed milk during letdown)
  • hand sanitizer
  • healthy one-handed snacks (granola bar, jerky, trail mix, lactation cookies)
  • hair tie
  • nipple cream (this is my fave non-medicated cream)
  • water (doesn’t need to be added to the caddy, but rather carried with you all the time)
A box of four scented chap sticks and a jar of nipple butter from earth mama are arranged on a book. Behind them are a plant and essential oil mister. Promoting self-care for postpartum moms.

Baby on the go!

Furthermore, the baby care caddy is not only helpful at night but can be on-the-go with you. For example, our master bedroom is upstairs, but bringing the caddy down with me makes it so easy. A mobile baby changing station is much more convenient than heading back up to the nursery for every diaper change.

It’s also good for partners and your care team. They can easily find what is needed to care for baby and can help keep it stocked for you. If anyone is looking for a good baby shower gift idea, building your baby care caddy for you is a great one!

Newborn land is a sleepy place and if you find yourself without a readied diaper bag – grab the baby caddy! It might not be your first choice when leaving the house, but in a pinch, you’ll have what you need.

So. Many. Brands.

Every brand will try to convince you that their products are the best for your baby. Really, I think that most of them probably perform somewhere in the middle. Again, this is one of those areas where mom and dad choose what’s best for their sweet babe. Some will spend hours researching the most organic, ethically sourced, and environmentally friendly options. Others just want a product that will serve the purpose. Either method is okay!

Personally, I try to find the more holistic options, when I can afford them and have them easily accessible. It just makes sense to me that natural products would be a healthier choice for babies. However, there are a few products that I prefer that are less ‘crunchy’ because they just work better for us.

With all things baby, please check with your midwife, OB and/or pediatrician about their recommended baby-safe suggestions. Anything I reference or link to is just a personal reflection on past use and not a medical recommendation. Similarly, I cannot guarantee safe or successful use of any product for you and yours. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider.

Bottom line… do your research and get good referrals from others, but don’t feel obligated to buy ‘all the things’ or lament over finding or affording the “perfect” products.

This shows baby care creams - mustela lotion, triple paste diaper cream, aquaphor helaing ointment and earth mama nipple butter. Suggestions for parents to care for new babies.

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Hydrating Postpartum Lemon Gingerade

This hydrating postpartum lemon gingerade is the perfect beverage for helping new mamas feel refreshed and energized! There have been variations on this drink for centuries – Switchel, Haymaker’s Punch, and Shrub to name a few. The idea is to combine the right healing properties in one delicious spritzer. Who said postpartum healing can’t be a little glamorous?

A pitcher and glass of hydrating postpartum lemon gingerade next to a recipe book and lemon

The First Forty Days

I first learned about this natural remedy from a brilliant book by Heng Ou, “The First Forty Days: The Essential Art of Nourishing the New Mother.” This lemon gingerade is full of some of nature’s best gifts – lemons, ginger, apple cider vinegar and honey. When you pull these ingredients together, you’re gifted a powerhouse of electrolytes, antioxidants and energy. It doesn’t hurt that it offers a refreshing gentle sweetness, mild lemon tang, punchy ginger and a little bubbly to make it fun.

An up close picture of a jar of honey surrounded by ginger and cut lemon

How to make postpartum lemon gingerade

Okay, let’s get hydrated! As I mentioned, I started with the base from Heng Ou’s recipe but decided to play with it a bit to fit my personal tastes. For me, it’s all about the ginger! It is really such a simple little drink that you can easily make adjustments to fit your palate too!

Swap honey for cane sugar, monk fruit extract, or agave.

Boil some of the lemon rind in the water (before adding honey) to really infuse the lemon and give it a deeper flavor.

If you could use some help getting your digestive system moving, macerate some prunes, blueberries or watermelon in the bottom of the pitcher.

You probably know by now that one of the postpartum doula musts is warmth! Warm food, warm clothes, warm everything. This is one of the few areas that I’ll give you a pass. If drinking this lemon gingerade cold helps you get more hydrating fluids in, then by all means, drop some ice in that glass! Another selling point for drinking it on the rocks is that it has honey in it. If you follow the recipe, you will have already warmed it a bit to dissolve it in water. You want to avoid heating it too much and killing off all of the natural health benefits. If you can go middle of the road with it and have it at room temperature, that’s probably even better!

pitcher of lemon gingerade with the recipe book glass of gingerade and a lemon

HYDRATING POSTPARTUM LEMON GINGERADE

This hydrating postpartum lemon gingerade is the perfect beverage for helping new mamas feel refreshed and energized! There have been variations on this drink for centuries – Switchel, Haymaker’s Punch, and Shrub to name a few. The idea is to combine the right healing properties in one delicious spritzer. 
Print Recipe Pin Recipe
Prep Time 10 minutes
Cook Time 5 minutes
Total Time 15 minutes
Course Drinks
Servings 4

Ingredients
  

  • 1/4 cup of local raw honey
  • 1 cup hot water
  • 3 cups of club soda
  • 1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar
  • 1/2 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice
  • 2 teaspoons freshly grated ginger
  • 1/4 teaspoon hand harvested sea salt crushed
  • ConcenTrace Trace Mineral Drops optional, according to bottle dosage

Instructions
 

  • Over low heat, bring water to a simmer.
  • Remove from heat, add honey to the water and stir until dissolved.
  • Pour honey water into a mason jar or pitcher.
  • Add remaining ingredients and mix well.

Notes

For best flavor, drink within 3 days. Make sure to shake/stir it well each time.

Kitchen Gadgets & Favorite Ingredients

Lemon Squeezer

Ginger Grater

Sea Salt

ConcenTrace Trace Mineral Drops

Beautiful, sliced lemons laying overlapping.

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